this is natalie's blog or whatever

some poems here

hello im doing texts posts on my tumblr as well right now i guess
so long text posts will be there from now on i guess blah blah
idk im going to sort this out once my internship is over
bye thanks for reading :)
had a long conversation with athena on the phone today...

the fundamental attribution error is the cognitive bias/assumption
that you make when you attribute a person's behaviour to his disposition
instead of seeing it as specifically induced or influenced by the situation

so it's like saying.. this is a bad thing that this person did..
bad people did bad things..
this person is a bad person...

which makes it easier for you to eliminate irrelevant information
or effectively make decisions based on the limited info available

but like when you think about yourself...
you don't want to think of yourself as a bad person..
you would like to identify situational reasons for which an action occurred

but maybe you're wrong..! maybe you are a bad person after all

that's what we were talking about
athena said some people are like straight arrows
and so wouldn't be able to see things other than the way they do

there's this thing i realized about kids and i guess me
like if they have a soft toy and you ask a kid what their soft toy is feeling
their answer would tell you how they are feeling

so sometimes when i think i don't know what i'm feeling
i ask myself what i think mimi is thinking/feeling
(the kitten that ben sewed/gave me for 1st yr anniversary)

my immediate thought-answer was
'mimi is frightened of all the noises she doesn't understand'
'mimi is so sad & needs to be loved'

maybe those are my base-thoughts
but like that's not all/more thoughts form from those
so that isn't entirely what/how i feel

my 25w jeans are getting loose which is good/bad or whatever
i am now going to complete readings on possible worlds


lixin from wallflowersmag.com asked me to send her some poems & then if i had any illustrations to go with it and so i asked camilla if she wanted to illustrate them and she said okay. her illustrations are really beautiful & you can see my poems and her illustrations here on wallfowermag.com. the three poems that are there are "slipstream", "my answer is yes (but how)" and "september".

i wrote slipstream in the bathtub some time earlier this year when i was feeling watery and thinking about the word slipstream, which is "a region behind a moving object in which a wake of fluid is moving at velocities comparable to the moving object, relative to the ambient fluid through which the object is moving", and like how everything seems relative to me, and how your attention is often fixated on one moving thing/person, and affected by that person's movement

i wrote my answer is yes (but how) a while ago but hadn't edited or come back to it in a while, it is titled after the first dm i sent to ben after he dm'd me on twitter out of the blue asking if i wanted to hang out over summer, and i didn't know anything about him & didn't know anyone (even on twitter) who knew him; it's about the first time ben came to singapore in june 2012 and that small excitement of not needing anyone else to know, and feeling like it was just the two of us, in the back alleys and smoking by the drains; what it felt like to be around someone who you could imagine sharing and doing everything with, except, of course, we live in different continents, and how it felt to finally know what you want but not be able to have it

i wrote september about taiwan, when i visited ben there in september 2012, where he was doing a year abroad type thing for a couple of months, in a flat located in the middle of a street food market, and all i did most of the day was read books on a tatami mat in the living room, walking around alone drinking dou jiang, waiting for ben to come home from school, eating snacks all the time, lying quietly together in the afternoons and in the dark and then leaving because i had to go back to singapore and then start my first year of university

i got a thing for u

important announcement:
ben got into grad school in london!
congratulations baby i love you
our long distance thing is coming to an end